Breaking the Cycle of Overwork with Small Acts of Kindness
Lately, I’ve been slipping back into old patterns of overwork. But this time, I’m meeting it differently—with softness and self-compassion.
My attitude to my whole inner world has transformed in a way that allows me to hold my familiar demons with a lot more compassion.
My body can’t handle the stress that it used to handle before I got Long COVID? I hold my body with gentleness around these new limits.
I’m anxious that I don’t have all the details of an upcoming trip planned? I hold my anxiety with compassion for it’s attempt to keep me safe.
Many of us struggle with work addiction, often mistaking ambition for self-worth. But beneath that drive, there’s often a deeper fear of not being enough. That’s the fear I myself have and the leaders I work with have.
We need to make peace with our inner conflicts and actual limitations. But this is easier said than done. The founders I work with rail at me, “Wtf does this mean? How do I make peace with the parts of myself I dislike the most?”
Softening as a Practice
In the past, I’d feel immense guilt if I wasn’t working on an airplane, even when I was exhausted. I believed every moment had to be productive. That was how I felt good enough. But on my recent trip to Mexico City, I allowed myself to rest. If working didn’t feel right, I didn’t force it—and the world didn’t collapse when I finally let go.
This softening has seeped into other areas of my life too:
Working out: I used to pressure myself to work out daily. Now, I give myself permission for rest days when my fatigue is too high.
Watching TV: I used to restrict TV time until after sunset. Now, I watch when I need to relax.
Responding to messages: I felt pressured to respond immediately to voice memos and texts. Now, I respond when I have the time, trusting that urgent matters will prompt a call.
Food: I used to eat leftovers I didn't enjoy to avoid being wasteful. Now, I honor my body by discarding food that isn't fresh or enjoyable. I used to choose cheaper menu items to save money. Now, I savor what I truly want.
Being outdoors: I forced myself to walk or be outside because it’s sunny and I “should” be outside. Now, I stay indoors if I need to rest.
Social engagements: I felt obliged to hang out with people on their request. Now, I say no if I'm not in the mood.
If you notice yourself pushing through exhaustion, consider pausing and asking: What would be the kindest thing to do right now?
I encourage you to find small acts of micro-kindness to yourself. Maybe it’s a nap, a walk, or simply taking a deep breath. If you’ve pushed off exercise to work, can you schedule time for a walk or the gym and put it in your calendar? Even the smallest acts of self-compassion can ripple into greater ease.
The small acts are the practice rounds to build up to larger acts of self-love. It’s not a fair expectation that you can go from working 10 hours a day to making space for vacation, but the smaller steps down are your training grounds.
Are there downsides? Sure, I have a little less ab definition and spend more money on food. But the trade-off is a profound sense of inner peace and focus. The inner conflict melts away as I allow rest, pleasure, and permission to take up more space in my life.
For me, and many high achievers I know, the pendulum has swung too far toward achievement and efficiency. We need a correction. This correction might reduce output slightly, but it also reduces anxiety significantly. Which ultimately allows us to focus and work with more ease.
A Slower, Steadier Method of Change
This period of integrating self-love is slower than I expected. But its also steadier. Sort of like changing course of a massive boat a few degrees to get to my destination without a bunch of chop.
I used to think inner work would create a massive, life-altering shift. Instead, it's a gentle, subtle softening. It's about taking my internal resources and bringing softness to the equation, which then makes it quiet enough for me to hear my intuition. I now recognize when I need rest and when to speed up or slow down. I just never gave myself permission before.
The whole idea of softening feels counterintuitive to my expectation. I thought with more self-discipline, structure, and pushing that I would be able to do more and then I could love myself. But I’m already so disciplined and controlled. How did I ever expect that more of that would bring me the peace I yearned for?
As Otis Redding sings it,
You know she's waiting
Just anticipating
For things that she'll never, never, never, never
Possess, yeah yeah
But while she's there waiting, and without them
Try a little tenderness.
Softening isn’t weakness—it’s a source of strength. The more I soften, the more I can hear my intuition and live with ease, not just in work but in every part of life. The more I soften, the better I am at setting my boundaries. And the more I soften, the more I deepen into my sense of self worth.
If you’re managing your inner work alongside your outer work of building a company, you may benefit from my coaching work. If you book a consult, I’m happy to chat more ❤️